30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 22

Where do you feel the most calm?

There's a few places I suppose.  My room of course would be on the top of my list.  Steve's room would be another one of my calm places where I can just relax.  The shower after a long derby practice, my living room when I'm home alone at night and able to just listen to music and relax, and probably any place that I can watch the sun setting.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 21

Have you tried to stop in the past?  What have you done differently this time?

Yes I have tried to stop in the past.  Started seeing a psychiatrist and got on medication.  It worked for a while and I got too comfortable and took myself off my medications.  Took a few months for everything to fall apart and I ended up in the hospital for 5 days.  Realized I needed to be on medication and that's okay, Realized how many people care for me, changed some stuff in my own life, and here I am.  I have slipped up once since then, but am doing 100% better than ever.  This time around I am more open and use my resources better and more carefully.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 20

What is the most vivid memory you have of self harm?

I usually can remember what song I was listening to at the time for some reason.

One specific vivid memory is thinking I had to get stitches.  Instead I went to a coworkers home so he could steri-strip and cover them up.  It was pretty horrifying.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 19

List 5 reasons that recovery is worth it.

No more hiding cuts.
No new scars.
I can help others recover.
I can be proud of myself for surviving and overcoming.
I don't have to feel so low that I'd want to hurt myself.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 18

Write a letter to the future (recovered) self.

Well I am clean and recovered now...But if I wasn't, it'd go a little something like this:

Dear me,

none of this was worth the pain.  It'll never be worth your pain or your time.  Stay clean.  You're done with this shit for good.  You got through everything and survived no matter how hard it was.  Keep moving forward.  Also, your friends are awesome.  keep them.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 17

Do you know anyone else that self harms?

Unfortunately, yes.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 16

What advice would you give someone about self harm?

Don't start.  For whatever reason, don't start it.  It leads you down such a vicious cycle.  So just don't. Talk to someone who has recovered before you start hurting yourself.  Talk to someone.  Just don't start.