Sunday, February 12, 2012

Where We Learned To Celebrate


Been a while, everyone.  Welcome back to my head. 

Lots has happened since my last post.  My best friend/ex stopped talking to me because he has somehow become a father and is too busy to talk to his friends.  It was heartbreaking to know that i'd probably never talk to him again.  I became even more depressed and was put on another antidepressant.  I was basically sleeping all day every day and was living off a short fuse.  I decided it would be a good idea to purge my room of all of Jon's paintings and stuff.  I couldnt do it by myself, so of course Kate was there for me the whole time.  We didnt get rid of anything, but put in in bags in my attic so I didnt have to look at them anymore.  It was incredibly heartbreaking to get rid of 4 years of stuff from him.  I found old letters and a picture of the engagement ring we were gonna get.  Seeing that stuff was painful to say the least.  I wrote him one last letter, which he never answered.  Im not sure taking his stuff down is helping much.  I actually notice it more that its all gone, and it really hurts.  Kate assured me that one day I'll be able to look at his stuff again...I'm not sure how much I believe that...

...So fast forward to this weekend.  Kate and I decided that since we both had a free weekend that we'd take a trip back to our old stomping grounds in Toledo...We made tattoo appointments which was super exciting.  We were both under the impression that this would be the best weekend ever.  I mean we drove through a blizzard yesterday to get there.

We went out to lunch with some friends, Katie and Brandon.  Katie has been very support of me and somehow always knows when I'm sad.  So it was good to see them again and eat Mongolian BBQ (great place).  Kate and I went back to the apartments we used to live and work at...we tried to take a fake tour and pretend we never lived there, but we got caught.  They foiled our plan...bitch.  So that didnt go as planned.   The rest of the day, we just kinda dicked around and visited a couple more friends until our tattoo appointments.  It was great to see my artist, Mike, again.  He is not only an amazing artist, but a great person to talk to and offer advice.  He is also a lying assface ;) Love you bud.  Kate got a tattoo on her foot that reads "Hope."  It's absolutely beautiful and original...and painful.  I got my thigh piece finished up finally.  That was definitely the highlight of the trip.

That night we planned on going to our favorite bar, Loonies.  Jon used to work there and a lot of our mutual friends still hang out there.  In the back of my mind I was thinking that this was a terrible idea on my part, but I ignored that feeling and we still went.  Everything was fine at first.  We danced and drank and sat on the couch just like we used to...Then it all went to shit when someone informed me that Jon had moved to Sandusky and moved in with his girlfriend and her kid.  After I heard that, I went out back and cried...We decided it was best that we left and went elsewhere.  Kate and Corrinne really kept me from completely losing it.  We had a semi amount of fun at the next bar.  We got tired, went home, and bullshat for a while.  Without going into detail, the girls and I had our own separate breakdowns throughout the night.  I honestly just couldnt wait to go home...

We woke up this morning and decided to hit the road much earlier than we originally planned.  For me, there were just too many memories there.  I used to love that place, and I never wanted to leave it.  The memories are amazing, the people there are awesome...but I guess that's all in the past now.  Now its just different.  I dont think I'll be going back again unless I get another tattoo from Mike.  I am only thankful that I got to spend a whole day with Kate and see some of my good friends again...


To say the least, this trip was painful and I cant go back again.  

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