Silence...

That was all I could hear in a room FULL of people tonight.

I got the call Monday afternoon from my mother.  She wondered if I had heard anything about my cousin committing suicide.  We hoped it was just a rumor, that maybe it was the wrong person.  I saw nothing on any of my family's facebooks. Shortly after, I got a message from Lea, one of my other cousins.  She confirmed the story to be true.  No way, not my family.  This was not happening...

My mind began racing back to the times my uncle would take us all ice skating- Me, Tiff, Manty, Lea, Monica...We used to have so much fun together, my cousins and I.  It killed me that the only way Tiff and I kept in touch was facebook, and we hadn't even spoken to each other since I was in college.  I barely remember the last conversation we had...

Our minds always turn to "what could I have done to prevent this...?"  That's how I felt.  I feel that maybe I coulda reached out to her, but I had no idea she was having problems.  If we had only kept in touch more, maybe I could have done something...

That's why I have this blog, guys.  That's the reason I started this whole thing- so that maybe I can save at least one person...make at least ONE person think before they act, to let you all know that there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.  I have been there over and over again. I can tell you from experience that no matter how bad it gets, it will all work out.  I am LIVING PROOF that you can get through anything, no matter how hard it seems or how hopeless you feel. Now that my family has been affected by this tragedy, I will never be let myself get that low again.  I will continue to live.  I choose to live.

Please, please, I'm begging all of you.  If you are having a problem, please just reach out to someone- family, friends, your doctor, someone.  If you're reading this and you need advice, even if we hardly ever speak, please just send me a message. I never would wish upon any of you or your families this horrible feeling or experience.

You will die one day, yes, but will you be done living in the end?

In memoria di Tiffany. Ci mancherai.  Ti amo.  <3