30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 8

What is the most supportive thing anyone has ever said to you about self harm?

There's so many things to even directly quote...

I think the most profound thing I heard was from my parents when I was in the hospital.  They both said I could never disappoint them, that they'll always worry about me and love me no matter what, and that everyone needs a little help sometimes.  They said I was intelligent for actually asking for help when I went to the hospital.  It made me feel good that they weren't judging and that they were behind me.

There's also so many things my friends and family have said to me and continue to say to me.  Just their support and love in general Ella me every day.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 7

List 10 activities that help you calm down:

Working out
Derby
Calling a friend, namely, my derby wife
Yoga
Playing with my pup
Hanging with my boyfriend
Watching TV with my roommate
Listening to calming music
Taking a nap
Having my cousin do my hair

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 6

What about it do you enjoy?

Umm...I guess the release is about all that I liked about cutting; maybe feeling in control of my own pain.  I've found healthier ways for the release...Tattoos, piercings, derby, exercise, talking, etc.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 5

What part of self harm do you dislike the most?

I hated the way Id feel before I'd cut; the loneliness and despair and hopelessness.  I'd just listen to a sad song on repeat and cry and cry until I hurt myself.

I hated bleeding and having to clean up my own blood.  I'd have to wait for it to stop before I could go anywhere.

I hated the feeling afterwards; the amount of pain I felt physically.  I couldn't wear pants without feeling them rubbing my cuts and causing more pain.  I'd be exhausted from the amount of adrenalin I used up while cutting.

I hate the stupid scars I still have; I hate when people see them or ask about them.

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 4

Do you consider yourself addicted?  Why or why not?

That's a tough question I guess.  I am clean and haven't struggled much or wanted to for a while, but at the same time I haven't really gone through much to make me want to self harm.  If and when something does come up, I will probably struggle, but I know how to get through it and use my resources instead of self harming.  It's a crutch when you have nothing else to turn to.  At the time and in the moment it seems helpful, like a release or a rush, but when it's over it doesn't do too much to help anything.  You kinda cling to that 'in the moment' feeling.

I guess it is like an addiction...

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 3

What is your motivation to recover?

I don't want anymore self inflicted scars on my body.
-I want to become a role model and advocate for those who struggle with self harm.
-family
-friends
-my job; my athletes and my patients
-my boyfriend
-making myself proud
-being healthy

30 Day Self Harm Challenge: Day 2

Question 2: What part of your body is most affected by it?

I always chose places that no one could see.  I used to cut my sides mostly.  My Alice in Wonderland tattoo covers up the marks on my right side, and I have a tattoo of the lyrics 'you will know me by the scars I bare' over the scars on my left side.  I've also used my thighs in the past.