No Excuses

I've actually been meaning to write this blog for a while, and it was actually going to primarily deal with people who give excuses for not working out.  I've actually changed that around a little and added a few more things in there after a few people in my life expressed some things.  Now that I have an afternoon to myself, here I go.

This one is all about the excuses that people are full of.  Excuses as to why they can't work out, excuses as to why they can't eat healthy, excuses as to why they cant spend time or have a conversation with their friends or family.

The best excuse:  "I dont have time to work out for an hour,"  "I'm injured."  "I dont have time to make a healthy meal," "I dont have time to shoot a text or a phone call to a friend," "I dont have time to sit down with my family and have a conversation." 

Let me go ahead and share with you a little bit about myself, and we can go ahead and compare our schedules, shall we?  I am a Master's student at Cleveland State.  This is my last semester at CSU, as I will be graduating in May.  In my last semester, I am required to A) go to class once a week for 4 hours (Tuesday nights from 5-9), B) start an internship that adds up to about 150 hours, and C) pass my comp exam in March which covers all of what Ive learned over my 2 years in graduate school- aka I will be studying my ass off for the next 2 months.  I started my internship a little over a week ago.  I am working as a general trainer at the gym at the JCC in Beachwood.  I work there Monday and Friday mornings, 8am-12pm, and Sundays 9am-1pm.  ON TOP of CSU's requirements, I also work as a graduate assistant Athletic Trainer for the Cleveland Clinic.  Tuesday and Thursday mornings, I work in a Physical Therapy Clinic from 8am-12pm (sometimes 1pm if we have a meeting).  AND Monday through Friday I work at VASJ High School as their sole Athletic Trainer.  I am there every day from 2:30pm until 6pm, unless we have games (right now its bball season, so I'm there a couple nights a week til about 9:30, and Saturday evenings until 9:30 as well).  About twice a month we have 6:30am meetings on Friday mornings that we have to attend.  ANNNND I have therapy on Wednesdays from 1pm-2pm.

Somewhere in that insane schedule, I find time to lift/do cardio SIX days a week.  Currently, I am working as hard as I can, ON MY OWN, to be able to compete in a powerlifting meet sometime this year.  I have no personal trainer, I just read my dad's powerlifting mags and get his input as much as I can when I get to see him.  I lift 4 days a week, and I do cardio 2 days a week.  I have a goal and I'm putting as much effort in as possible to be able to reach that goal.  As for the "I'm injured" excuse, I've got a torn shoulder, military neck, an injured disk in my lower back, and arthritis in my thumb.  ALSO, at the clinic, I work with injured patients to rehab them back to health.  Rehab is called therapeutic exercise for a reason.  There is ALWAYS some type of exercise you can do. 

 I find time to drop a line to my friends as much as I can.  Even if it's just a stupid hey whats up or something.  I MAKE time to spend time with them as much as I can as well.  I can't live life and handle all this shit if I shut out my friends.  They understand my schedule, I understand theirs.  Most of them are just as busy as I am, but we still try our best to AT THE VERY LEAST keep in touch as often as possible.  NEVER ONCE have I said "I'm too busy to talk to you."  I LOVE talking to my friends during the week, which is probably mainly why I have friends...cuz I keep in touch and they know I think about them often.  I mean, even if it's JUST on twitter or facebook or something dumb.  I can take a minute to say hi.

Conveniently, I do live with my mom, dad, and brother, I live across the street from my gramma, and I live down the road from my baby cousin who is one of my best friends.  It's weird that regardless of this fact, I barely see any of them.  I see my mom and dad most nights, dad not as much because he is in bed by 9 every night.  I spend as much time as I can with my mom as well- Wednesday and Sunday nights we watch our shows together.  I wander my way to my gramma's house on Sunday nights for scrabble night with her and my mom.  I get to spend Thursday nights watching Parks and Rec and The Office with my brother...since that's pretty much the only time he isnt studying for his PT boards test, and pretty much the only time i get to see him for more than 5 mins.  I take any extra free time I have to go to my cousin's salon to get my hair done just so I can spend some time with her. 

As for eating healthy, yeah my mom cooks most nights, but breakfast, lunch, and snacks are on me.  When I lived in Toledo on my own, I was in charge of buying my own damn groceries and making my own damn dinners.  So yeah, I'm capable of that too.  I eat well, I choose healthy foods, I make good choices...and sometimes I eat some damn chocolate...so what?!   

Lets sum that up and make that less confusing for those of you whose brains just exploded:

M: internship 8am-12pm, lift, shower, VASJ 2:30-6, comps study group 7:30-?
T: PT clinic 8-12, VASJ 2:30-4:30, class 5-9
W: lift, shower, Therapy 1-2, VASJ 2:30-6 (we often have bball on Weds so sometimes 9:30) Modern Fam with my mom and dad at 9:30
R:  PT clinic 8-12 (1 oclock twice a month), run, shower,VASJ 2:30-6 (games usually this night so 9pm sometimes)...if no games, brother/sister time
F: meetings 6:30-7:30, internship 8-12, lift, shower, VASJ 2:30-6 (games til 9:30 or so)
S: lift, shower, VASJ 5-9:30ish
S: internship 9-1, cardio, shower, scrabble night at grams

So uhhh...yeah...whats your excuse for not working out?  Whats your excuse for not having time for your friends?  Whats your excuse for not spending time with your family??  Whats your excuse for not eating right??

Take a piece of paper and a pen, and write down all your excuses for the above.  I'll wait..........................

Good, now take that piece of paper, and throw it away.  Your excuses are garbage, and no one wants to hear them.

Have a nice day, and do something.

This is Not Your Year

2011...

Definitely a year of growth and change for me.  I can't say I'm sad to see it go, and I can say with all honesty this was the roughest year of my life thus far.   It started off poorly, and ended poorly as well.   I can't say I remember everything that has happened (my memory blows), but I remember most.  I want to throw some of these random memories out there so I can leave them behind and move on. 

We rang in the New Year last year at Boo's cousin's house.  We drank our asses off and had a wonderful night.  It was my second year celebrating the New Year with my best friend....this year will be the 3rd, and definitely not the last.  I've written about her a few times and I really dont need to repeat myself, but our relationship has really grown this year.  We spent a few months apart, but we found each other again, and we will, from now on, be inseparable.  My best friend, my sister, was diagnosed with brain cancer this year, but in the years to follow, we're gonna beat that.  We're a united front and nothing can stop us. 

I added a few scars to my body, shed some pounds due to anorexia, and lost a part of myself. I started therapy this year in March. It's a mixed bag I suppose...on one hand I have a therapist that I can vent to and that can give me advice and stimulate my brain.  On the other hand, I have to wake up and take a pill every morning to control my mood.  I will continue on with therapy and whatnot, and see where it takes me in life.

I had a couple terrible break ups this year.  I keep in touch with the guys that had a pretty positive effect on my life.  There are a few that I will never speak to again, and that I regret being with, but it's all part of the learning process I suppose.  I feel like I lost a part of myself this summer as I was pretty much using my single relationship status in the wrong way.  I've learned to be more picky and take my time if I do decide to date again. As a friend told me last night, "all we have is time."  I'm honestly not sure that I will put my heart out there again, and I have lost a TON of hope and trust as a result of some of these break ups.  Who knows, maybe one day someone will be able to sweep me off my feet again...

I lost my Great Aunt Mary and Great Uncle Will this year, one within a month of the other.  They lived a long and happy life together, and it was clear that one could not live without the other simply because they were literally eachother's everything.  This did give me hope that love can in fact last a life time.  They were together their whole lives, and will continue to be together in the afterlife.  Their deaths enabled me to finally visit my Grampa Maher's grave site.  My aunt and uncle were buried within feet of my grampa...which we were unaware of...So it was actually a very touching experience. 

The positives of 2011 that I will not be leaving in the past: 

The new friends I've made

Friendships that have become stronger

The sweet concerts I went to

Family that I have become closer to

Powerlifting and long runs

My crazy hair styles and colors- special shoutout to my little cousin for this one <3

My new tattoos and piercings

My amazing job: my switch to a new PT clinic, and the opportunity to work with people who challenge my knowledge and help me learn how to become better at what I do.  My VASJ kids, who mean the absolute world to me.  

My opportunity to continue my education in the graduate program at CSU. 

It always helps to end with the positive...makes me think that maybe 2011 wasnt THAT awful.

A new year is about to start, which means I am putting an end to this chapter and starting a new one.  Chapter 24 in my life, Chapter 2012...  Have a happy and safe New Year everyone!  Leave the past in the past, and celebrate...there is no greater time than right now, and tomorrow never exists.

So here's to you 2011.  Cheers.

 Much love

Bittersweet

Today, my brother and his girlfriend graduated from PT school.  My big brother was recognized for the first time in front of a crown of thousands as Dr. John Campolieti.  The girl he loves was recognized for the first time in front of that same crowd as Dr. Lindsay Sellers.  Everything they have worked for has finally paid off.  Nine years of grade school, four years of high school, four years of undergraduate, and three long years of PT school, and he's all done.  Words cannot express the joy and pride I felt in my heart today when I got to see MY brother receive his doctoral hood and his diploma.  Today was a good day.

This morning during the ceremony, one of my good friends and I reconciled and apologized to one another and came to an understanding.  The past couple of days, it was sure that we would no longer be friends.  My heart was filled with happiness.  Today was a good day.

Tonight, I got to go to dinner with my family and Lindsay's family at a wonderful restaurant.  I got to buy my parents, brother, and Lindsay a drink at the bar.  I got to spend time with the family of the girl that my brother loves.  Our families shared stories and laughs.  Tonight was a good night.

Tonight, my boyfriend dumped me via text message out of the blue.  He said he had too much to deal with.  The last time I spoke to him he told me how much he loved me and how he wanted so bad for us to work.  He said he wouldn't leave me through the rough times like my last boyfriend did.  Last night I told him how much he meant to me and how much I miss and love him.  He never answered me until this morning when he said "leave me alone." He dumped me while I was at dinner with our families. My family already insists that my relationships are jokes.  They basically laugh at me when I say I met someone anymore.  Last week, my grandma told my cousin that she probably will never meet my most recent boyfriend because he'll be gone before we know it.  Tonight she said at the dinner table that I go through guys like crazy.  Unfortunately, Gram, it's the guys that go through me so quickly. Tonight was a bad night.

Tonight, I was so shocked, overwhelmed, alone, and sad, that I had to take pills to calm me down.  Tonight was a bad night.

Tonight, I called on my best friend to talk me through yet another break-up even though she has more serious problems going on.  My best friend has cancer, and she took the time out of her night to turn my tears into laughter in a matter of seconds.  She put aside her much more serious problems to help her friend, whose problem is so small and irrelevant.  She has to deal with me like this constantly.  Tonight was a good night.

Tonight, I had just stopped crying in time to catch the very end of one of my favorite movies, Shawshank Redemption.  I caught it just in time to hear the quote that I have tattood on my leg.  "Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies."  Tonight was a good night.

Tonight, a couple of my closest friends (one being an ex that I have recently become friends with), and my big cousin saw my relationship status had changed on facebook, and took time out of their lives to text me to make sure I was okay, that I could always talk to them about anything at any time of any day.  Tonight was a good night.

Tonight, I get to spend time with my brother just watching tv.  We probably will hardly talk to each other, but he's home, he's here, he's my big brother...and he's moving up in the world.  Sooner or later I wont be able to have a night like this.  Tonight is a good night.

Tomorrow...well tomorrow is tomorrow.  I will deal with it when it gets here. 

Let Go, Babydoll

This blog is about what happened to me exactly four years (I'm roughly 24 hours early on this one).  Maybe no one will really understand it, but I need to get it out there because it's been weighing heavily on my mind since last night.  I didnt even realize the date until I layed down in my bed...and I ended up crying myself to sleep, thinking how life could have been, and how 4 years ago changed everything. 

**Flashback to 4 years ago**

It's Friday, the last day of finals.  Time for Christmas break!  I was considering going home that day, until one of my classmates decided to throw a party at her house.  My roomie and I decided we'd think about going...we already had made plans to go to BDubbs with my brother and his friends to celebrate the end of the semester.  So we did that and decided what the hell...let's go to her house and have a good time.  Little did I know, that was the night that would change my life for a long time coming.  I looked like mismatched crap.  Brown slip on shoes (the knock off Ugg kind), ripped jeans, black tanktop under a bright blue hoodie, dark hair, barely any makeup.  I remember not giving much of a shit to be honest.  The one thing I remember is staring across the room and meeting his bright blue eyes and shy smile.  He was wearing skater shoes, jeans, a gray half zip up hoodie with no undershirt, and a black skullcap.  I swear I met his eyes for maybe a second...but i knew i had to know him.  So me, being the overbearingly outspoken girl that I am, decided to yell WHOS PLAYING THUNDERSTRUCK?!  I egged him and his friends on to come down to the basement with us to play, and they did.  We all played, laughed, danced...and it was fun.  I asked for his number, to see if maybe he would wanna come dancing with us sometime.  I remember spelling his incredibly simple name wrong in my phone.  A couple minutes later, he said he had to leave, and that was it for then.  

A couple weeks later, after almost getting killed in a snowy car crash, I took a chance and texted him.  Over break we NEVER stopped talking...pretty much every night until 4am we spent the night on AIM (I'm dating myself here) getting to know eachother.  We had EVERYTHING in common. I decided to come back from break a day early with my roomie to have him and his best friend over for movies and drinks.  That night was our first kiss.  I was drunk, yes.  Oops...but I'll never forget it.  As a matter of fact, I was his first kiss, period.  From then on, we were almost inseparable.

I cant really sum up the next 4 years into words really.  Most of you know who I'm talking about, most of you have been there for the ride along side me, most of you know the stories.  We were on and off for about 3 years.  Through everything, he's always been there for me -as a friend, as a boyfriend, as a family member.  Three Christmases together, 3 Easters, 3 New Years, 3 Thanksgivings, 3 trips to Canada, a trip to Chicago, 2 trips to Traverse City, countless family get-togethers, amazing concerts, living together, working out together, losing weight together, him saving my life many times, fights, seeing other people, me moving 2 hours away, etc.  It's been 4 long and unforgettable years.

My room is filled with his drawings and paintings, the music I have is pretty much all his, I have 3 rings from him that I wear every single day, my bed has a few stuffed animals from him, he has 2 of mine, i even have a pair of his boxers, the laptop with which I am typing on is from him, our "Triangle Force" stones, presents from his parents, etc.  Basically, my every day life is full of him.  I can't bare to remove anything.

Even though we have different lives now, I still have a hard time thinking that him and I will not end up together.  That has always been my plan since we started dating, to be with him my whole life.  I will admit that I had screwed up our relationship over and over and over again...due to fear, due to depression, due to selfishness.  It was always me that messed up.  I regret it, yes, but it's part of life.  It's something that will probably always weight heavy in my heart. 

This blog is about regrets, acceptance of hardships, and the struggle to move on.  This is incredibly painful for me to write.  This is something we all will go through.  This is one of those shitty parts of life.  Nothing much else I can say. 

I will leave you with one quote.  For Christmas last year, I asked him to make me a picture of a Pooh Bear quote (because he always called me Pooh Bear).  As I opened up this gift last Christmas and read it, I had to put it down because I did not want to cry infront of my family.  It is possibly the most meaningful gift I ever have and ever will receive.  I keep it on my nightstand, and read it almost every night before I go to bed, and it never fails to make me cry.  He said he picked this quote because he wanted me to always feel safe:

"If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together...there is something you must always remember.  You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem,  and smarter than you think.  But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you."  --Winnie the Pooh

We Were Never Meant to Worry...

...The Way That People Do.

So I haven't written for a while now...It's been a crazy busy couple of weeks.  Tonight I actually have some free time to write, and a pretty damn good reason to do so.  

As some of you have read, I have a friend, "Boo," who has been struggling with some medical issues.  I haven't really kept anyone updated about it, but she has been diagnosed with a slow growing brain tumor.  They don't know what it is exactly, but according to the doc, it's something that is manageable.

Tomorrow is a big day for her. She is having her biopsy done in the afternoon.  So before I continue on, make sure you keep her in your thoughts/prayers, regardless of your religious beliefs or whatnot.  Just do her and her family that favor.  

Since she's been going through this, I feel completely helpless.  I'm used to being able to help fix her problems, but this is one thing I have no control over.  As her best friend/sister, I want to be able to take this off of her shoulders, but I have quickly learned that the most I can do is be there for her as much as possible.  I know I am not PHYSICALLY going through what she is going through, but I feel like MENTALLY I am right there with her.  I feel her fear, sadness, confusion, frustration, etc, every single day.  I recently told her that although I've been very happy lately, I cannot be 100% happy knowing that this is happening.  This whole situation is in the foreground of my thoughts constantly.

As I said, as her best friend, all I can do is be there to support her and do whatever it is that she needs me to do, whether it's take her out, play a stupid board game with her, text her, call her...whatevs.  So tomorrow I have decided that I need to be there for her at the hospital before she goes into surgery.  I have 2 basketball games to work tomorrow night, but I am going to stay at the hospital with her family as long as possible.  I just want to hold her hand for a second, hug her, and tell her I love her before this procedure starts...as well as give her an awesome good luck charm which will make her day.  If that's all I can do, then so be it.  I mean, I would totally do the surgery myself but I don't want her ending up dead...so yeah, that's about all I can do.

Something I have been struggling to do is keep my composure and keep my fears to myself around her.  I believe her and I had this conversation already.  If I can't be strong for her, how can she be strong for herself?  Yes, I'm worried, I'm scared, I cry about it, but that's not something she needs to listen to.  Whenever I talk to her, I act as strong and fearless as possible.  In the back of my mind, I have no doubt that everything will end up okay, so that really helps.   We all tend to think the worst at times like this, and that's okay, but it's not how any of us should think.  No one knows what's going to happen in the future anyways, so while we wait, we have to enjoy the here and now.  "Live for Today," as mine and Boo's tattoos say.  All I can do is be hopeful and have faith that everything really will turn out okay.

She's my best friend, and has been since we started hanging out.  I could not live a day without her.  She will be standing next to me at my wedding, she will be an aunt to my kids, and we'll grow old together and throw our dentures at each other when we're geriatric patients in a nursing home (hopefully at Millionaire Estates, where the Life chips are plentiful). 

Boo, if you're reading this, remember that you won at the game of Life, so obviously that shows you that you'll get through this with ease. I love you, I need you in my life always, and I'm so thankful to have a friend like you.  All of our mutual friends care about you so much and love you dearly (not as much as I, of course).  And the people in the future that will meet you will be lucky that you have graced their presence. 

We will get through this together...magic fingazzzz and all.  

<3

What is Campo Thankful for??

Good morning everyone!  It is a BEAUTIFUL day here in Cleveland.  The sun is up, it's not super cold, and it's one of my favorite holidays!  I already made a couple pumpkin pies with my mom, so as they sit in the oven and bake, I'd like to take a few and reflect upon what I am thankful for today.

My Family

Without my fam, I'd be nowhere.  I am blessed with one of the best families on this earth.  They're there for me constantly, pushing me to be my best, supporting me, and feeding me (thanks Ma).  I mean, today I got to run downstairs, hug my mom, and make pies with her, just like every single year in the past.  I am beyond thankful for that little moment.  Anyways, I've already made a giant blog about them, and I'm sure you've read it from start to finish, so refer to "Scattered Blacks and Whites" for a continuation of this paragraph.

My Friends

I surround myself with the best group of people.  I've got a wide variety of friends- crazy, hilarious, supportive, loud, driven, wise, fun.  I've got friends just like me and I've got friends who aren't anything like me at all.  I'm thankful for all the friends I've had in the past, even the ones that I've lost touch with, because they were all part of who I was and who I have become.  I have the type of friends that would drop anything they're doing just to spend some time with me, and they also know that they can lean on me for whatever they need.  Friendships need to be reciprocated, ya know?  I'd also like to make a special shoutout to the ones that have been there for me holding me up for the past month or so and through all the rough times I've had in the past.  These are my go-to's-  Panda, Boo, K, DDR, Machine, Check, Strunz, Karms...Thank you guys so much for always being there, whether it's in person, via text, phone, twitter, what have you, you have kept me going.  

My Job/Education

I have to give a shoutout to the Cleveland Clinic for providing me with this amazing opportunity. I love my job like crazy.  I love my kids, I love my patients, I love having the opportunity to help people and change their lives.  It gives me this amazing sense of pride that I was part of something huge.  Not many people at the age of 23 have a steady career, a college degree, or the opportunity to have their Master's degree by the age of 24.  I have that, and I don't take it for granted.  I am VERY thankful for my kids as well, I have to give them a shoutout.  You guys are the light of my life.  I love being by your sides and working for and with you every day. All I can do is smile when I walk into VASJ, knowing that I get to see your wonderful smiling faces ;)  All of you kids have the potential to do something great in this world, never forget that, and DONT FORGET YOUR AWESOME ATHLETIC TRAINER!!!!  Not only is it the kids that I am thankful for, it's the whole VASJ family.  The staff, parents, fans...You guys have welcomed me with open arms and made me part of this awesome family and I am proud to be a Viking!

My Depression

Yep, I am thankful for this nasty demon I was given.  I am thankful for what it has taught me about myself.  I am thankful that I was strong enough to get help. I am thankful that I am fighting it like a beast.  I am thankful that I have been given the opportunity to help and support other people that are going through the same thing.  I am thankful that this depression has taught me that I can lean on people, and that I actually have amazing people that I CAN lean on.  

My Boyfriend

Yep I am dating again lol.  Scary how I swore off dating after the last disaster, but I am thankful that I grew a pair and was able to take a crazy chance.  How lame is it that I looked across the room, saw him, wrote my name and number on my receipt, gave it to him, then quickly walked away?!  Yep, that's what I did, and that's where it started- he loved it, and i looked like a total nerd.  He has taught me that I deserve someone who UNDERSTANDS me, who will SUPPORT me no matter what's going on, someone I can be absolutely goofy with and be MYSELF with, someone that'll do stupid shit just to see me smile, someone that my friends, family, and kids actually approve of and get along with, someone patient.  I'm still scared, but as one of my best friends said "If he's making you smile, something has to be right."  I am thankful that being with him has given me the power to leave the past in the past, and  to let myself be happy.  

There are many other things I am thankful for on a daily basis, but today, these are the ones that I am especially thankful for.  Happy Thanksgiving everyone.  Make sure you take some time to think about what you have in this life to be thankful for.  If nothing else, be thankful that you are alive- that's the greatest gift of all.

Love to you and your families.  Enjoy the day!

A Letter From My Best Friend

I must admit today was not the best day in the world for me.  This morning I learned that one of my closest friends/ex bf is dating again.  I know it sounds selfish but I was upset to learn about it, although I will support him and I am happy for him.  It is hard to see someone you were in love with for so long with someone else, but I learned that if you TRULY care, you want nothing more than to see that person happy.  He's been there and supported me through everything that has happened in the past 4 years, and now it's time for me to get my head out of my ass and return the favor.  He will always be an amazing friend and part of my family, as he has been for years.  I love you (you know who you are).

Also, I spoke with my boo today (no names), and she has been having some medical problems that have been worrying the shit out of me.  She's having all sorts of tests done on Saturday and I am scared for her and I'm worried, although I'm sure it'll all be okay.  I would not be able to live without this girl...that's all I was thinking tonight, and then, as I was laying on my couch about to take a nap she sent me an attachment via a facebook message. 

Tessa-

I feel a little weird and lame writing you a note-letter(? Haha) but I feel like I want you to know how I really feel about everything and I think it might be easier for me to express it if I write it down.  Obviously, you know that I love you and I care about how you’re feeling but I don’t think I can say it enough so I wanted to share it with you in a way it could be heard over and over.

Ever since we started hanging out…in like, 2009 (haha….so loonnng) I have been able to tell you stuff about me that very few people know.  We learned early that we have a lot in common and we can relate to one another on many levels.  We both try to appear confident and like we don’t need help, but inside we both struggle to hold it together on the outside.  When I found out who you are on the inside it only made me appreciate your friendship even more. 

You were the person that showed me that I should say what I’m thinking and take chances because then I won’t have regrets.  You encouraged me to do things I was on the fence about and fully supported me when I took steps to do them.   You showed me how to be me and for that, I’m thankful. 

You have always been there for me when I needed you the most.  You were the one to show me how to have fun again after getting out of a 4 year relationship, for that alone you deserve an award (but don’t count on actually getting one J).   

When we went a couple months without talking and then my life got really overwhelming, you were the first and only person I called.  You are always there to tell me the truth even if it isn’t something I want to hear and I couldn’t appreciate it more.  You are the best friend I have probably ever had and I can count on you and trust you more than my own sister. 

So after all this it hurts me to see you in so much pain, probably because there is nothing I can do to take it away, like you did mine (mostly).  I miss the happy go lucky Tess that I had as my partner in crime at the beginning of this year.  I know that will come back but it will take time.  While we are waiting I will be standing by you in everything you do.  I will be there to support you no matter what the reason or endeavor.  I know there have been times in the past when I wasn’t as supportive as I could have been (certain relationships), and I have always regretted not being there to support you when you were doing what made you happy.  Ever since then I have made a promise to myself that I would support you, because after all, I just want you to be smiling and loving your life. 

When we met for coffee a couple weeks ago at Starbucks and you told me you have tried to commit suicide and things were getting really bad I started crying (one of the several times I have cried in public while talking to you….it’s kinda my thing).  And to be honest, I think it was out of selfishness.  I honestly don’t know what I would do without you in my life.  You mean the world to me and are part of the reason I am Me.  You are one of the best people I know in this world.  You are; hardworking, gorgeous, outspoken, funny, outgoing, sarcastic, warm-hearted, professional, intelligent (need I go on….?).  You are you, and anyone who doesn’t love you is crazy.  I have no doubt you will be happy and in-love again soon....because if anyone deserves it, it’s you.  And until then, and forever, I will be here for you encouraging you to do what you love and supporting you in everything you do.  Like I have said before, any time any day, if you need me you can call.  Because I want you to know, I will do whatever I can to make you feel better.  I love you Tess, and I always will.  You’re my best friend and my sister <3

Words cannot describe the emotion that overcame me when I read this letter.  I can't stop crying- mostly happy tears, but some sad- sad because she's right...I havent been the happy go lucky partner in crime that I used to be. This girl is my best friend, my sister, and my soul mate (even though we arent gay...sometimes).  Meeting her was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.  We've been through so much crazy, hilarious, drunk, bad shit together, and even went through a couple months of no communication, but here we are...just like always, making eachother laugh and cry.  Nothing can break this friendship, its very obvious that this is legit.  So we're probably going to get married.  

I needed to share this with everyone, not to brag about how my friends are better than yours ;) but so maybe you can realize how much your friends mean to you, how much they have a baring on your life, and how far they would go just to make you smile.  Maybe you havent been the best friend ever, and maybe you should start writing a letter or making a phone call- anything to let your friends know that you care.  You have no idea how much something like this can turn your life or someone else's life around. 

I am forever grateful for the amazing friends that I have in my life.  

Pinks + Scoots = Jam and Toast (one person will understand this, the rest of you can back OFF)

<3