I must admit today was not the best day in the world for me. This morning I learned that one of my closest friends/ex bf is dating again. I know it sounds selfish but I was upset to learn about it, although I will support him and I am happy for him. It is hard to see someone you were in love with for so long with someone else, but I learned that if you TRULY care, you want nothing more than to see that person happy. He's been there and supported me through everything that has happened in the past 4 years, and now it's time for me to get my head out of my ass and return the favor. He will always be an amazing friend and part of my family, as he has been for years. I love you (you know who you are).
Also, I spoke with my boo today (no names), and she has been having some medical problems that have been worrying the shit out of me. She's having all sorts of tests done on Saturday and I am scared for her and I'm worried, although I'm sure it'll all be okay. I would not be able to live without this girl...that's all I was thinking tonight, and then, as I was laying on my couch about to take a nap she sent me an attachment via a facebook message.
Tessa-
I feel a little weird and lame writing you a note-letter(? Haha) but I feel like I want you to know how I really feel about everything and I think it might be easier for me to express it if I write it down. Obviously, you know that I love you and I care about how you’re feeling but I don’t think I can say it enough so I wanted to share it with you in a way it could be heard over and over.
Ever since we started hanging out…in like, 2009 (haha….so loonnng) I have been able to tell you stuff about me that very few people know. We learned early that we have a lot in common and we can relate to one another on many levels. We both try to appear confident and like we don’t need help, but inside we both struggle to hold it together on the outside. When I found out who you are on the inside it only made me appreciate your friendship even more.
You were the person that showed me that I should say what I’m thinking and take chances because then I won’t have regrets. You encouraged me to do things I was on the fence about and fully supported me when I took steps to do them. You showed me how to be me and for that, I’m thankful.
You have always been there for me when I needed you the most. You were the one to show me how to have fun again after getting out of a 4 year relationship, for that alone you deserve an award (but don’t count on actually getting one J).
When we went a couple months without talking and then my life got really overwhelming, you were the first and only person I called. You are always there to tell me the truth even if it isn’t something I want to hear and I couldn’t appreciate it more. You are the best friend I have probably ever had and I can count on you and trust you more than my own sister.
So after all this it hurts me to see you in so much pain, probably because there is nothing I can do to take it away, like you did mine (mostly). I miss the happy go lucky Tess that I had as my partner in crime at the beginning of this year. I know that will come back but it will take time. While we are waiting I will be standing by you in everything you do. I will be there to support you no matter what the reason or endeavor. I know there have been times in the past when I wasn’t as supportive as I could have been (certain relationships), and I have always regretted not being there to support you when you were doing what made you happy. Ever since then I have made a promise to myself that I would support you, because after all, I just want you to be smiling and loving your life.
When we met for coffee a couple weeks ago at Starbucks and you told me you have tried to commit suicide and things were getting really bad I started crying (one of the several times I have cried in public while talking to you….it’s kinda my thing). And to be honest, I think it was out of selfishness. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you in my life. You mean the world to me and are part of the reason I am Me. You are one of the best people I know in this world. You are; hardworking, gorgeous, outspoken, funny, outgoing, sarcastic, warm-hearted, professional, intelligent (need I go on….?). You are you, and anyone who doesn’t love you is crazy. I have no doubt you will be happy and in-love again soon....because if anyone deserves it, it’s you. And until then, and forever, I will be here for you encouraging you to do what you love and supporting you in everything you do. Like I have said before, any time any day, if you need me you can call. Because I want you to know, I will do whatever I can to make you feel better. I love you Tess, and I always will. You’re my best friend and my sister <3
Words cannot describe the emotion that overcame me when I read this letter. I can't stop crying- mostly happy tears, but some sad- sad because she's right...I havent been the happy go lucky partner in crime that I used to be. This girl is my best friend, my sister, and my soul mate (even though we arent gay...sometimes). Meeting her was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. We've been through so much crazy, hilarious, drunk, bad shit together, and even went through a couple months of no communication, but here we are...just like always, making eachother laugh and cry. Nothing can break this friendship, its very obvious that this is legit. So we're probably going to get married.
I needed to share this with everyone, not to brag about how my friends are better than yours ;) but so maybe you can realize how much your friends mean to you, how much they have a baring on your life, and how far they would go just to make you smile. Maybe you havent been the best friend ever, and maybe you should start writing a letter or making a phone call- anything to let your friends know that you care. You have no idea how much something like this can turn your life or someone else's life around.
I am forever grateful for the amazing friends that I have in my life.
Pinks + Scoots = Jam and Toast (one person will understand this, the rest of you can back OFF)
No comments:
Post a Comment